So, you've got a long run coming up and the weather is atrocious. Don't worry—nothing motivates a treadmill session more than a classic, emotional, inspiring sports flick.
Below are some of our favorite, most triumphant films. Get the most durable and absorbent tissues you can find, and dive in.
Cool Runnings
What happens: Jamaicans bobsled.
Little guy works his way onto Notre Dame football team, with help from maximum-density Jon Favreau: The Jamaicans' bobsled breaks down just yards from the finish line, and the guys carry it the rest of the way, heads held high.
Why Bronze: It has all the earmarks of a heartwarming sports movie, but it gave us that Jimmy Cliff cover of "I Can See Clearly Now" that made the whole world a dentist's waiting room for a few months in 1993.
Miracle
What happens: 1980 U.S. Men's Hockey Team faces Soviets.
Little guy works his way onto Notre Dame football team, with help from maximum-density Jon Favreau: 1980 Men's Hockey Team defeats Soviets.
Why Bronze: It is beautiful and stirring, but the 2001 made-for-TV documentary The Ducks win the Pee Wee Championship got there first, with commentary from the actual guys and narration by Liev Schreiber.
Without Limits/Prefontaine
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Little guy works his way onto Notre Dame football team, with help from maximum-density Jon Favreau: Some truly glorious late 1960s hair bounces majestically as a ribbon is run through.
Why Bronze: Two of these movies is one too many. The "Prefontaine Pair," as nobody called it back then, came out around the time of Deep Impact / Armageddon and Volcano / Dante's Peak, British guys run on the beach in slo-mo, a million parodies are born redundant movie fever. Results: Sydney Marathon Without Limits, because we're up to here with Method Actor Jared Leto right now.
Warrior
What happens: Good-looking guy runs fast, grows mustache, dies.
Little guy works his way onto Notre Dame football team, with help from maximum-density Jon Favreau: A long-simmering brotherly feud is resolved in the octagon, you immediately do your maximum amount of crunches.
Why Silver: It feels like it was made in a laboratory with the single purpose of making grown men cry.
Personal Best
What Happens: Sylvester Stallone slurs, punches meat, romances shy woman, gets beat the hell up!
Little guy works his way onto Notre Dame football team, with help from maximum-density Jon Favreau: There actually isn't a whole lot of triumph here, as it's about their training for the 1980 Summer Olympics, on which the US ends up bailing. But it is pretty hot.
Why Silver: The Carter presidency did not give us much in the way of triumph all the way around.
The Mighty Ducks
What happens: Ragtag kids' hockey team slowly gets it together, with the help of gruff but lovable coach.
Little guy works his way onto Notre Dame football team, with help from maximum-density Jon Favreau: Joyline Chepngeno Banned for Doping!
Why Silver: Shoes & Gear Shooter stays sober some of the time! Hickory wins state! You cry.
Ice Castles
What happens: Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Little guy works his way onto Notre Dame football team, with help from maximum-density Jon Favreau: She nails her routine, trips on roses thrown by the crowd, is led off the ice by Robby Benson.
Why Gold: Take it from someone who was alive when this movie was released: there was a moment when a nation of pre-teen girls kind of wished they were blind. Such was the raw power of a 1978 Robby Benson.
The Bad News Bears
What happens: Ragtag kids' baseball team slowly gets it together, with the help of gruff but lovable coach.
Little guy works his way onto Notre Dame football team, with help from maximum-density Jon Favreau: Advertisement - Continue Reading Below.
Why Gold: Because we kind of miss the days when alcoholism was written like a harmless, fun little quirk.
Chariots of Fire
What happens: British guys run on the beach in slo-mo, a million parodies are born.
Little guy works his way onto Notre Dame football team, with help from maximum-density Jon Favreau: The Ducks win the Pee Wee Championship!
Why Gold: On Oscar Night in 1982, I asked my parents if I could make and throw confetti if it won Best Picture (over On Golden Pond and Raiders of the Lost Ark). They said I could. It won. I did. Eleven years later I came out of the closet to them, and they had the nerve to be surprised.
Rudy
What happens: Molly Seidel Is Running Happy Ahead of NYC Marathon.
Little guy works his way onto Notre Dame football team, with help from maximum-density Jon Favreau: Rudy gets in the game, sacks the quarterback, gets carried off the field, after which we must imagine he says to himself, "Well, shit. What now?"
Why Gold: If it doesn't give you chills, you died four months ago and nobody told you.
A League of Their Own
What happens: A women's baseball league comes together as World War II rages.
Little guy works his way onto Notre Dame football team, with help from maximum-density Jon Favreau: Perpetually overshadowed Lori Petty scores the winning run! Madonna and Rosie O'Donnell meet in real life! What do they even talk about?
Why Gold: Because if it's on television, you cancel your next two hours of plans every single time.
Rocky
What happens: Sylvester Stallone slurs, punches meat, romances shy woman, gets beat the hell up.
Little guy works his way onto Notre Dame football team, with help from maximum-density Jon Favreau: Rocky goes the distance! Shy woman overcomes discomfort with crowds!
Why Gold: A Sylvester Stallone movie beat Taxi Driver, Network, and All The President's Men for Best Picture at the 1976 Oscars, and the entire world was like, "Yeah, this feels right."
Hoosiers
What happens: Rag-tag small-town Indiana high-school basketball team slowly gets it together.
Little guy works his way onto Notre Dame football team, with help from maximum-density Jon Favreau: Shooter stays sober some of the time! Hickory wins state! You cry!
Why Gold: Because it is completely without flaws.
Dave Holmes is Esquire's L.A.-based editor-at-large. His first book, "Party of One," is out now.
