As you guys are well aware, our primary focus is and always has been handbags. That means that we spend our time on the websites of every big luxury retailer and designer brand in the world, and, well…sometimes our attention wanders. And by “our,” I mean “my.” I’m easily distracted and very curious, which sometimes leads me to explore the less-traveled sections of online Leslie. And when I do, what I find is always weird.
Earlier this week, I got lost and stumbled upon the Hermès game set you see below, which prompted further investigations into the wild, sometimes wonderful (and sometimes just weird, or maybe slightly insulting) luxury goods our favorite handbag brands are selling right now. If you feel a little like Marie Antoinette at the end, you’re not the only one.
Aerin Chess Set
$3,250 via Neiman Marcus
This is the kind of thing perfect for people who have bought tables to take up extra space in their cavernous houses that they never intend to use for any functional purpose but nonetheless need to decorate in a way that implies they Acrylic tables are usually functional.
Chanel Boomerang
$1,325 via Chanel
If you throw this, it will come back to you. Unfortunately, it will not have your money with it upon return.
Chanel Paddleboard
Price on Request via Chanel
If Chanel won’t even tell the price, well, as my mom says: if you have to ask, you can’t afford it. (And I can’t, so what’s the price??)
Chanel Tennis Balls
$475 via Chanel
Large Logo Camera Bag FABRIC AND LEATHER BAG.
Coach Baseball Glove
$350 via Coach
Coach has made baseball gloves for a long time because it was these gloves that inspired the brand’s first leather goods, but the range of colors right now is truly inspiring. Perfect for your drag queen softball league.
Ghurka Leather Decorative Football
$195 via Moda Operandi
I appreciate the stipulation that this football is meant for purely decorative purposes. Put it on your bookshelf, Todd. Your playing days are over. You’re going to pull a hammy.
Hermès Helios Mahjong Game
$41,400 via Hermès
Maybe I’m giving myself away as a member of the generation reared on Jackass, but for $40k and change, I’d buy a sports car and learn how to do stunts in it. I can play mahjong on my phone.
Loewe Beach Blades
$1,780 via farfetch.com
When you do a Google image search for “beach blades,” most of what you get appears to be parts for food processors. I’m gonna assume it’s a European term.
Louis Vuitton Photo Frame Scott
$630 via Louis Vuitton
For when you look at your cherished moments and think, “Hmm, ya Acrylic what’s missing? A ton of tiny Louis Vuitton logos surrounding our smiling faces.”
Maison Margiela Leather Bookmark
$51 via farfetch.com
Margiela has long made plenty of weird home goods, but the fusion of its weird home goods and weird shoes into something you’re gonna make-up in the waiting area of your dentist’s office is perfect.
Missoni Hammock
$1,165 via LUISAVIAROMA
I wouldn’t fall asleep and get a weird sunburn in anything less.
Saint Laurent California Roller Skates
$1,195 via farfetch.com
K Ikon leather panelled belt bag.
Versace Salt and Pepper Shaker
$282 via LUISAVIAROMA
No word yet on whether Versace will make me a custom Cholula holster, but here’s hoping.
